the softening

i always feel better in the softening

the kind that happens when you’re with a close friend

the kind that happens when you look at something beautiful

the kind that happens when you drift off to sleep

the kind that happens when your heart breaks

i feel as though i am dissolving

although i do not know what is happening

it’s so silly to pretend like any of us do

it’s just for fun

the tales

the stories

do it for the plot

but do we really know anything?

i think we know deep down what we experience in some way

not in every way

but maybe someday we can trace back the billions of threads that intertwined for that moment-

that life changing moment

to happen

or maybe we’ll never know

my brain is slowing down

i feel myself becoming thoughtless

there’s only feelings left

because those

i don’t orchestrate

in some way i do

but in another way i feel like they’re placed there

and they stay as visitors

until i get the message

and then they leave

only to return

and i have to learn all over again

life is a series of softenings

the more i let go

the more i let in