i’m tired

i’m tired of trying to figure out my feelings like a math problem

trying to understand what comes from where

why i’m feeling this way

is it the astrology?

is it me?

my parents?

my childhood wounding?

my environment?

some unknown trauma buried deep in my subconscious?

maybe it’s a mixture of everything

and still

i’m tired of working on my feelings like they’re a problem to be solved

does it matter why they’re here?

do i need to know intellectually?

or do i just need to feel it in my body?

maybe it’s both

but i constantly lean towards intellectualizing every experience

doing mental gymnastics to try to figure out what went wrong, where, what time and why

instead of calming the mind

opening the heart

and feeling every raw emotion with my whole body

to just notice

just feel

just be

and train myself to feel safe enough to feel again